Second Week Out

Monday - April 5

I love my crew!!! They told me today that on Sunday I get to sleep in!! WooHoo!! As long as I am up in time to fry chicken. I'll probably be so excited I won't be able to sleep! We are still tied up so I am using the time to organize and clean the pantry. I got it all done except for two shelves last week so those two are really bugging me. It is a large room off the galley with counter space, three freezers, and a potato bin. We keep sugar, plain and self-rising flour and corn meal in 5 gallon bucket like containers.



The "honeymoon" week is over now and we are sorta settling in to a routine. OMG I don't have to get up at 3 am anymore. The boys said since they don't eat much breakfast I can get up at 4 and still have bacon and sausage and biscuits ready for sandwiches by 5. Have I said I love my crew???? I'm gonna make them omelets tomorrow just to say thanks. Now those they will eat! lol

We will be getting another interim captain tomorrow. I hate to see Ray go. He has been very easy going and easy to please with meals.



We did get sad news. Deron is being taken off our boat and put on the Omar which is going to Paducah for repairs. He really didn't want to go. But they called and 30 minutes later he was gone. Tyrone says maybe he will be back or if the water doesn't go down we may all be going to other boats! Boo!

Tuesday - April 6

Well Teno tells me I need to go ahead an order groceries since we are tied up close to the Boat Store cause MAYBE we are going to be able to get behind a tow and move sometime this week. Got the pantry finished so I can actually tell what I got. Now if I only had the vegetable freezer done I would be in high cotton!!

Made Chicken Rotel for lunch today and they ate it up. It is the same one we made at Outtatown.

New captain pretty straight laced. Myles, the Pilot, told me at lunch he is leaving tomorrow or Thursday. He has been loads of fun and I hate to see him go. It has been pretty quite without the Big Boy here.

Chief smoked ribs and a tenderloin today for lunch so I had an easy day of it. I sent Deron a picture on Facebook and told him I had a whole slab left over since he was gone. He didn't reply! lol

Thursday, April 8
Pretty quiet. Teno had a little comeapart cause I moved some stuff in the galley. I decided it was better to choose my battles but surprisingly it made the other guys madder than it did me!! Myles came by before he left and told me to stand up to him. He said he and the rest of the crew had a little wheelhouse meeting and decided to let it be known that the galley was my domain. Told him it wasn't necessary, that the cook was to be a peacemaker not an instigator!! He told if he said anything else just say, "I appreciate all the help and I'll be right out to help you check all the rigging and make sure they are where they are suppose to be!" lol But he's been on here a long time and I don't want to disrespect his authority. It will all sift out .... or I'll throw him overboard!!

Got the groceries put away and great news!! Our wayward boy, Deron is coming back tomorrow. They just needed him to help get the Omar back to Paducah to the shipyard.

Chief told me he talked to the guy in charge of Engineer training classes and told him I would be excellent to cook for the classes cause I wanted to do some trip work. Trip work is when you work past your scheduled 28 days. You get paid double time for that plus earn extra days in case something happens and you need to be off. It would be good if I could do a couple of trip weeks everytime. Got to save up that tuition money.

We had tacos for lunch since the groceries were coming during lunch sometime. And I made Poppy Seed Chicken for supper, another Outtatown staple. Recipe follows. The next three days are prearranged-Fish Friday, Steak Saturday and Chicken Sunday!! No guesswork there! :)

Poppy Seed Chicken

5 chicken breasts, cooked beboned and diced
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 8 ounce container of sour cream
1 sleeve Ritz crackers
1 stick butter, melted

• Spray 13 x 9 casserole with Pam
• Layer chicken in casserole
• Combine soups and sour cream in small bowl.
• Spread over chicken.
• Crush crackers and mix with melted butter.
• Spread over soup mixture.
• Bake 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

Well I'm gonna call it an evening cause even though 4 am comes early, it ain't nearly as early as 3 am!!!!!!

Good night my friends. Till later...............

Easter Sunday

Well I have to say that this is has been a down sorta day!! This is the first holiday I've been away from home and knowing that they are together without me is not a happy time. The guys have been super nice!! They loved the tablecloth and napkins. In fact, they wouldn't use the napkins they left them on the table all day!! And the baskets were a tremendous hit I think. Sean and Justin took pictures and sent home!! LOL I made pancakes this morning and while they weren't as pretty as Marty's, they seemed to hit the spot!!

Fried chicken went off without a hitch except those were the biggest chicken breasts I have ever seen! They had to weigh a pound apiece. I could only fit two in the fryer at a time. But we had mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, green beans and lima beans along with cornbread with the chicken. I fried two chickens plus eight legs and they ate it all but one breast!! And for dessert we had banana pudding. Epic win!!

For dinner we had chicken Alfredo, glazed carrots, salad and garlic bread. I'm thinking about including recipes in my blog as well. What about that idea?

It has been a pretty calm day. I did my laundry and cleaned out the closet in my room. I found four blankets and six sets of sheets. I kept three sets of sheets and two blankets and Teno took care of the rest. They say the river is dropping so we may actually get to move from here this week. Miles told me at dinner that he is suppose to crew change back to his boat on Tuesday so I guess he won't be staying with us. :(

I think its about time for a shower and bed cause...... let's say it all together......

3 am comes really early!!! :P

I'm On A Boat

Well its 8 am on Tuesday morning and I'm sitting on the van waiting on the rest of my crew so that we can drive to St. Louis, which is where MY boat, the Eileen Bigalow is tied up. It will be a complete crew change, so I'll get the chance to get to know everyone as we make the 2 and half hour drive. The regular captain, Eddie Murphy, (don't say it) is on another boat so we may have a couple of different ones for a while. I don't know our regular pilot, but he isn't on board either. The captain and pilot on now are leaving in the morning and we will be getting new ones. All these guys have been together for about four years on the E. Bigalow. They haven't been all together since she has been tied up so they were anxious to get back "home" and check it out. There is the Chief Sean, Mate Teno, Leadman Tyrone, and deckhands Justin (Judd), DeRon (Big Baby) and Gary.

We finally made it to St. Louis about 11:30 but had to wait on the tug to bring the crew we were replacing over and take us to the boat. It is laid out a little differently from my training boat but I have a big galley and pantry. The only thing I'm concerned about is the sleeping quarters are on the other side of the Engine Room, which could make for some noise when we are moving!! Right now we are on barge patrol, cause the river is so high that they aren't moving many barges. We move around checking the twenty or so tows they have built making sure they are secure. But for the most part we are sitting still. The cook left us a baked ham and some veggies for lunch.
I put my bags in my room and went to work in the galley. The cook I'm replacing isn't the regular cook. She had gotten some groceries, but there isn't much meat to choose from. Luckily the Chief and Leadman like to grill. We are going to grill porkchops tomorrow and smoke a butt on Thursday. That will get us to the weekend, Fish Friday, Steak Saturday and Chicken Sunday.
I finally got to my room and got unpacked about 8:30. It's been a long day so I'm hitting the hay and 3 AM comes early!!!!! I love my job but I hate 3 am.

Wednesday afternoon:

These guys aren't breakfast eaters either. So I made Breakfast sandwiches and wrapped them up. When I came back after my morning "rest", they were all gone. But they made up for it at lunch!! We grilled porkchops. I brought along some of the rub we used at Outtatown and they ate them up. I have a two butts marinating in the frig for lunch tomorrow. We are gonna put it on after dinner tonight. I made Cases's cookies and they were eating them faster than I could take them off the pan.

We still haven't moved anywhere, so I'll tell you more about my crew. I'm sure as time goes on I will be able to add details.

• Ray is our trip pilot. He is really laid back, been out here a long time. Looks to be in early fifties maybe, married. All his kids are grown and gone. I wish we could keep him but the guys really would like to have Eddie back. He is getting close to retirement though and if they tie us up again to replace the engines with bigger ones he probably won't be back.
• Pilot Miles is a long tall drink of water!! lol He is a good ole boy from Florence, AL. He is divorced and has a daughter that is a freshman at UNA and a 15 year old son. He says his girlfriend wants a baby so he's probably about to start over again. The Chief says that Miles may be our regular pilot cause he is training for the Lower Mississippi.
• Sean is the Chief Engineer and is the friend of the Chief, Randall, that I trained with. Super nice guy-35, married with an 8 year old and 3 month old. He lives in Fancy Farms, Kentucky.
• Teno is the Mate and man oh man, he is a worker!! He is a 5'3" ball of energy and is constantly cleaning something. He takes great pride in the boat and his job. He has been very nice so far. He is really conscience of the rules and we've done a different drill everyday after lunch. He's missing a couple of front teeth so he has a little lisp. I think he is a Italian Cajun!! He told me today that he has been married for two years but she is in prison!! I didn't ask for what.
• Tyrone is the Lead Man and he is really quiet. I know he is from near Mobile and is married, but he doesn't volunteer a lot of information. He told me if the boat tied up that they were taking me with them!! Supreme compliment for a tug boater to a cook! lol
• The three mates are a trip, Justin, DeRon and Gary. Justin and DeRon are good friends on land and live near each other near Birmingham. Justin is the baby of the group at 23 and always has something going. He helped me with some cleaning. I told him he didn't have to, but he says their job is to take care of the cook so she can take care of them. Love that!!
• Deron is a big (300 lb) teddy bear. I think he is 26. He is always planning his next big thing. He was late the first morning and then we had to turn around and go get his computer out of his truck. He is the resident computer and Internet guru. We are now FB friends!
• Then there is Gary, an over the hill hippie type that wears Harley Davidson do-rags and has a ponytail and sorta scraggly beard. He's on backwatch so he has my coffee made every morning when I get to the galley. That makes him AOK in my book. But bless him, the others give him a hard time, cause he's been everywhere, done everything, seen every sight and has a story to tell about it. This morning he told a story bout his girlfriend , but this afternoon, he talked about his wife. One of the guys asked him when he got married since we've been on the boat all week. He said she was his common law wife cause in Illinois it was five years. One of the other guys reminded him that they've only been together for 2 years. Like I said, Bless him.

Thursday:

We placed our grocery order and they said it would be tomorrow before we got it. I hope it is before lunch cause the former cook only left about 7 fillets in the freezer. I am going to strip them and have frog legs and Garlic Shrimp to fill out the menu just in case. Teno calls in the order. That makes me a little nervous, cause I would like to talk to the supplier and make sure they know what I want!!! I know, control freak.

Still tied up. Teno and the guys have been cleaning the stacks and decks constantly because of the disel build up. Since we are just idling mostly the engines don't get cleaned out and the smoke is black. The Pilot, Miles, says he is going to roll the engines (rev them to clean them out. Sorta like blowing the soot out of a car engine.)

Friday night:

Spent the day cleaning and rearranging the pantry. Groceries didn't get here until after 5 pm. At least, it wasn't midnight. I have the steaks marinating for tomorrow and they are massive ribeyes. They have to be 2 inches thick!!! Luckily no one wants theirs well done. I have marinated some chicken breasts like we did at Outtatown and we gonna grill them up as well.

It is official. The crew says I get to stay. I did a Shrimp Boil for dinner with corn and potatoes. DeRon made a picture and put it on FB. He said he wanted folks to know back home how he good he was eating. Justin says he can't mention me anymore to his girlfriend cause he bragged on my cooking too much and made her mad!! Haha

They tell me if I can grill a steak and fry chicken I can write my own ticket!! Hot damn, its nice to be appreciated!!

Saturday afternoon:

Holy crap!!! Miles cleaned out the engines about 2:00 am this morning!!! I thought the boat was coming apart and they forgot to come get me. My windows rattled (pretty scary), my bed was vibrating (not so scary) and I thought the engines were coming through the wall (amazingly scary)!!!! Told him this morning that we would be checking the smoke detector outside his room tonight about 8:30 pm!!!! Everyone thought it was quite funny but me! Teno says that's what it will sound like all the time when we are going upriver. Told them I was moving from the ghetto on the first deck to Upper East side on the second deck!! They told me I could, but I would have to give up my big room and new TV they ordered me. Sean just put speakers in for me in my ceiling. So I guess I'll suck it up and try to sleep. We lived at the end of the runway of Memphis International Airport in Southaven and I got use to that!!!

Steaks were a hit! Sean grilled for me today. We also cooked hamburgers, BBQ'd some bologna, and some hotdogs along with the steak and chicken. They can choose when they want their steaks so I have to cook three tonight. I'm going to peel the leftover shrimp and heat it up in some garlic butter, also. This afternoon I have made some Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies and Cherry Cobbler.

I have to go get my Easter baskets for the crew ready for tomorrow. I just did little ones since they are all away from home for Easter. I asked them if they wanted something besides fried chicken since it was Easter and the vote was NO. I brought a tablecloth and Easter napkins to set the table cause after all they are just big kids!!!

Till later..........

And the Week Goes On!

Why is 3 am so EARLY!!! If it wasn't for that I would be okay!! The guys on my training boat are not big breakfast eaters so we make heart shaped breakfast sandwiches for them to eat mid morning. Claujia is upset because the order is all messed up. Instead of 10 lbs of bananas she got 10 bananas, no lettuce and 6 tomatoes instead of 16. Remember these guys are eating healthy and eating fruit and salads like there is no tomorrow. So we have to make do.

Monday I made cornbread chicken and dressing. Claujia didn't know how to make dressing with cornbread, cause they use loaf bread to make theirs in Virginia. The guys have been super about trying new stuff and being gracious about their likes and dislikes. I hope my boat is as kind.

We had planned on firing up the grill and smoking ribs and barbecue on Wednesday but it is raining buckets and the grill is outside. So I marinated them and cooked them in the oven. They were really tender and were ok, but they weren't Outtatown ribs!! :( The barbecue was pretty good also.

I found out that I will be on the Eileen Bigalow that navigates the Lower Mississippi River, that's St. Louis to New Orleans. She is 170 feet long and 52 feet wide. She is tied up right now and been without a crew since July. She needed repairs and then the Upper MS froze so they just kept her tied up. Claujia said that was suppose to be her boat last July and she hasn't set foot on it yet. She says don't write anything in ink or a dark pencil that can't be erased. I hope they don't bounce me around, I like to have my own little nest. But I am trying to broaden my comfort zone and will go where they send me. Keep your fingers crossed.

I will be going home for two weeks and report back to crew on March 30. That means I can be home for Lauren's mouth surgery and to help close down Outtatown. SInce I will be on the boat on Easter we are going to have Easter a week early. This will be my last post for a while till I get back to "Rollin' on the River"!!

Move Over Colonel

Man oh man. 3:00 am rolls around early. I made biscuits today that were great. Claujia uses confectioners sugar and yeast in her biscuits and they are to die for. She uses a heart shaped biscuit cutter and the guys love it. (They are just big kids!!) Really hungry kids...when we got ready to do the salad bar stuff all 10 pieces of leftover grilled chicken were gone!!! They ate it during the night instead of sandwiches and chips and cookies like they usually do!! Can't beat that grilled chicken.

We decided on a real Southern Sunday meal. We are going to do fried and baked chicken, garlic smashed potatoes, green beans, corn casserole, coleslaw and honey wheat rolls. Claujia couldn't believe that I wasn't going to do an egg wash and double dip it like the recipes she read. Told her I learned from my grandmother who grew up in the Depression and they didn't waste eggs they could sell...those words straight from Momma Linnie's mouth!!

I had a few minutes to talk to David. There was a little difference of opinion on fire building techniques yesterday and I needed to bridge the gap. We had a long talk about smoking meats, drag racing and his family. He and I are going to do ribs on Wednesday for the crew. I think we can be buds!!! :) Claujia thought I handled it well. I told her it was like teaching school. You want the principal to like you, but it isn't imperative. It is imperative that the custodian and the lunchroom ladies like you though. I figured on the boat you want the Captain to like you, but you got to have the Mate and Chief in your corner and she agreed! Score one for the home team.

We fried up chicken and got all the sides done. And wonder of wonders, Stacy came and sat down and ate. He doesn't make that a habit. The guys don't all get to eat together. The shift changes at 11 so the ones going on shift eat about 10:30. Depending on what they have been doing, those coming off shift will go shower and then come eat about 11:20. The only exception would be if we were tied up and not making tow. Then they might get to overlap and actually eat together. We have finally started moving down river to Memphis with our twenty barges. I went up to the wheelhouse and it is amazing to look at. I've always wondered how the captain knows where to stay in the channel. There are red and green buoys, just light traffic signs that direct them. Amazing. I sat out on the second deck in the sunshine after lunch and noticed some train tracks running right along the river bank. Cut into the hillside above it was the highway and cars were meandering along. Children were playing in backyards and I thought, "All is well with the world. I have the most amazing job!! Am I really here?"

Claujia tells me we are getting a grocery order from the boat store in Memphis, so we have to get it ready. They only get groceries about every two weeks since they charge $250 for a delivery fee. If you forget anything you are just out of luck cause there isn't any pulling over at the bank and running to the Kroger store!! She did tell me you could forget about anything and be ok cause they have two big freezers and a pantryful of stuff as long as you have catfish, steak and chicken for Friday, Saturday and Sunday. But it took about 2 and a half hours to get the list together. They have an order guide to help you out but not everything is on the order guide, especially fresh fruit and vegetables. She took it to the Captain and he will call it in. Claujia said different captains do it differently, some won't even look at the order, some will look at it and give it back for the cook to call in. I think I would prefer to call in myself, but we shall see what my captain says. Claujia says the mate and deckhands will take on and check in groceries but she likes to oversee it in case anything is missing or wrong. Grocery boat comes tonight at 11:30 pm!!

For dinner tonight, we are having chicken enchiladas. Normally they would also have some leftover fried chicken, but there wasn't any!! These guys ate two whole chickens and eight extra legs. The Colonel ain't got nothing on us!!!!

Tomorrow I find out if I stay here for a few more days or if I will go to different boat. If its just the same to everyone, I just as soon be here!!

It's Red Meat Day on the River!!

Taking Claujia, my new patron saint, at her word, I slept in and got to the galley at 9 am on the dot. The Lead Man, Kenny or Big Daddy, had already started my coals for the steaks and chicken breasts in the BBQ grill that is bolted to the deck right outside the galley door. Since I was on the main deck, I had to wear my work vest every time I went out to the grill. About 10 I gathered up my steaks, chicken and various utensils and went to the grill. As I stood there with the warm breeze blowing the smoke away from my face, (a definite plus over landside grilling), a couple of boats went past us on the river, one headed up river, the second down river to points south. We hadn't moved from Cora Coal yet as we were waiting on our 20 barges to be filled with coal to be transported to Memphis. All I could think was, "Wow! Am I really here? And I think I have the best job ever!!"

On Steak Day the guys can choose whether they have their steak at lunch or dinner. I only had 5 steaks to cook for lunch so I cooked 16 pieces of boneless chicken breasts as well. We planned on using them for the salad bar for a few days. Claujia was working on implementing a healthy eating plan and would be offering a Salad Bar at lunch and dinner along with an exercise plan. She was writing it out by hand and was going to make a chart. I asked her if we could use the computer in the officer's lounge outside my quarters. She said she didn't know, cause she didn't use computers but would ask at lunch. I told her we could type, edit and print her document and graph in no time. At lunch she asked Captain John Wayne, (yes his real name) and he said go for it. He was behind the program and his excitement was contagious.

Let me stop here and introduce the nine people I would be rooming with for the next 7 days.

• Captain John Wayne is from Ohio and is a former Marine in his mid-sixties. He spends the winters in Florida with his wife. He has been on the river 4o years.
• Pilot Stacy is a sorta keep to himself kinda guy. His job is to pilot the boat when the Captain is off duty. (They change shifts every six hours.)
• Chief Engineer Randall is new to this boat but an old friend of the Captain and has worked on the river about 25 years. He is from Lexington, TN, and is full of entertaining stories. He knows lots of people on different boats and said when I find out my boat, he'll find out about the crew.
• Mate David is in charge of the deckhands and making tows and any housekeeping chores on the boat. He is a younger guy, also from Ohio, with a wife and two children. We haven't gotten off to a stellar start but I'm going to win him over.
• Leadman Kenny is a Mississippi boy from Yazoo City. He has been very nice to me, but doesn't talk much. He is like me and doesn't like anyone touching what he eats. So Claujia bags cookies and wraps cake or muffins individually. He did tell me that he liked that I wore gloves!! lol
• Deckhand Darrell is also from Mississippi near Vicksburg. He is also very quiet. But we have talked briefly about his girlfriend in Vicksburg and maybe getting married.
• Deckhand Blake is from Arkansas and is really trying to eat healthy and lose weight.
• Deckhand Kevin is originally from Wisconsin and is a gentle giant. He hasn't been hard to please so far.
• Cook Claujia of course I have already mentioned. She has been fantastic and so willing to help me. She is originally from Virginia and her family has been involved extensively with Special Olympics. She has a daughter that is 19 so we have been comparing notes!! Although she has only been on the river since July she has bounced around a lot of boats doing fill-in work. The JB Wyatt is her first permanent assignment.

We spent about an hour making Claujia's plan a reality with Meals, Moving and Manners as the three points. (Being an old schoolteacher, I had to have some alliteration in there. :D) We also came up with a chart for recording progress and opportunities for bonus points for trying new foods and reading labels. Captain John loved it and so did the crew. He sent our plan to Paducah operations manager and he sent it on to Nashville. They liked it so much they sent it out to all the boat captains!! And Claujia got a nice kudo in the company newsletter. I'm anxious to see how it goes!!

After firing up the grill again, we cooked the evening steaks and some hamburgers. These guys are great. They rinse their plates, put them in the dishwasher, sweep and mop the floors, clean the stove and empty the dishwasher when it is finished. And every one of them thanks us for the meal. All I want to know is which one is going home with me, cause I'm going to be spoiled rotten!!!

Tomorrow is Fried Chicken Day!! Woop woop! Claujia said she had never fried anything before the River. I asked if she was going to soak the chicken before she cooked it. She looked at me with a puzzled expression. I asked if she wanted me to show her how to deep fry it. Cause a Mississippi girl can fry up some chicken!!! She had never seen that done so I was gonna be able to teach her something while she taught me bread making. It was another good day on the river.

And Welcome to the Joe B. Wyatt

After a two hour drive, most of which I slept, I was beginning to think we are as lost as a byjohn. We turned off the highway, onto a narrow two lane road, onto a dirt road, and then onto a levee, off the levee to park under a coal chute. At lease we were on the river. But I didn't see any boats!!If my driver hadn't been so totally non-threatening, I could have easily imagined myself tomorrow's headline-Unidentified Woman Found!!

Just about the time I once again was reviewing my decision making skills, I saw a tug making its way around the bend. Was this my home for the next week? Sweet mercies, I hope not!!! It was about 30 feet long and black as soot from the coal dust. I started to climb back in the van when the driver looked at my stricken face and said, "Well there's your taxi!" I gues he knew what was running through my head cause he proceeded to tell my boat was up around the bend making a tow (that's getting the barges filled and tied together) and this little harbor boat was gonna take me to it. All I could think was "Praise Jesus".

THey backed right up to the bank, produced a six foot ladder and leaned it against the side. My bags were loaded and I again thought of Louanne and her nine bags. I strapped on my life jacket and took a seat in the wheelhouse. THe guys were super nice when they found out this was my first trip and spent the 10 minutes or so talking to me so I didn't have time for nerves or motion sickness.

We rounded the curve of the Mississippi River and there was my boat, big and clean. Kevin, better known as Big'un, took my two bags and wanted to know where the rest were. Told him that was it and he said cooks always had lots of bags!! Told him it was his lucky day. He took me upstairs to the guest quarters. Normally I would be housed near the galley on the first deck but since there was a cook onboard I would not be in the cooks quarters. After settling in for a few minutes, I went down to the galley and met the boat cook and resident mom.

Claujia was busy frying up fish for lunch cause Friday is fish day on Ingram Barges. We made small talk while I ask a million questions. Like me, she had held a large variety of jobs, but most recently had owned a small bakery in Virginia, which she sold and had been on the river since July, 2009. She had been on 11 boats as a fill-in cook and this was here first permanent boat. We spent the afternoon getting to know each other and discussing the menu for Saturday which is always steak. She said she wasn't much of a griller and I volunteered to marinate and grill the steaks. She seemed happy with that. I suggested we do some chicken also for the guys to put on their salads. She loved that idea and we marinated some chicken breasts as well. That afternoon I got my first bread making lesson. I confessed to her that I was a little skepical and alot scared of trying bread cause I had never been successful. She told me I would be!!!!

After we finished dinner, she must have looked at me and taken pity on me, because she uttered the most beautiful words...... "I know orientation is draining. Sleep in tomorrow and don't worry bout getting down here before 9." I wanted to fall at her feet and call her blessed, but I was afraid I couldn't get up once I was down!! She didn't have to tell me twice! I was upstairs in my bed by 6:30pm and so proud to be there. My last thought was maybe this is gonna be okay after all.